Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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