Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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