i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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