Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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