I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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