I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
where are you?
Hypothermia
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm bleeding and have questions
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
