I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
