Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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