dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
