actually, I'm a sock model
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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