my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
