The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
