i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
