forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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