Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think weed is turning my hair brown
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
