Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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