soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
