Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
