Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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