The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
