Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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