Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
