tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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