Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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