I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
