ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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