after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I could make wine with my vomit
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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