Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
too bad you live with your parents still
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
