OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
