Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
