ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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