I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
