If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
