just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
dude. I can hear the air.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
