i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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