when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
