She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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