Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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