u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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