I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
my poor anus
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
