I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize