I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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