what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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