Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
