Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
