party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
too bad you live with your parents still
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
