Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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