that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
