I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
