For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize