I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
