No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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