I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
