No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
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he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He shit in the fireplace
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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