you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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