hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
