There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
