girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
