are you so shy because you have an std?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
