i would punch a child for taco bell
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
