I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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