she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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