he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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