just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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