he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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