I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
