I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
