Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
