I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she peed on how many people?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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