That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
