yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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